A letter to my daughter on our first mother's day

                                                

Dear Radhya,

This mother's day, I will be celebrating my first mother's day as a mom. In fact, this is our first mother's day for it's you who made me a mother! Thus you are an integral part of this celebration. It's been exact 10 months and 19 days that you have come to this world. You have been part of everyone's life in our family for the past 10 months and 19 days but you know what? - You were a part of my life for extra 9 months. No one else had that opportunity except me. For the whole 9 months, our heart beat together and you grew inside my womb ounce by ounce. This is why you're even more special to me than to anyone else.

The very first moment I held you in my hands, I've had the rollercoaster of the emotions. Your warmth, your softness, your intimacy made me forget my pain. But then I felt that sudden responsibility of motherhood in my head while not knowing what to do next. I had so many questions going on in my head - Should I watch you for a while? Should I breastfeed you? Should I cry over how cute you are? Should I look at your cutest hands and feet and gulp back my tears?

After we brought you home, I laid next to you and adored you. I was dying to see your beautiful eyes and see you smile but you slept most of the times. Day by day, month by month you grew up and I considered myself so lucky to have you in my life and spend time with you. You have already filled my heart with so many memories. I have laughed with your every laughs, I felt I have achieved something whenever you reached your milestones every month. I have cried along with you in your every pain - literally after every immunization shots!

After you reached six months, I had to get back to work. I cried because I had to accept that I won't be able to spend all my days with you and someone else got to spend those days with you. But I was convinced with the fact that I would still be at your side all the hours of night. I was there with you at 2AM when it was all dark outside and everyone else was asleep. I would wake up to your softest rumbling to soothe you. I was there every time during the night. I was with my baby when she needed me the most.

Soon after, you will start to walk and you won't need me to carry you. You will start eating yourself and you won't need me to feed you. You will sleep through the night and you won't need me to soothe you and breastfeed you. You won't need me to change your diapers and dress you. You will select your clothes yourself. You will of course need me but you can do many things on your own.

Your life will soon be filled with so many people; family, friends, teachers, classmates so we won't have much time when it's just you and I. So this mother's day, our very first mother's day, I want to be with you. I won't care about works I have to do, I won't care about the deadlines I have to meet. I will just be with you. Right here, holding you tight. Just you and I.